I woke up this morning feeling a little bit off. I’m not sure if it was the grey heavens or the chilly breeze that caused this, but some element stirred a sense of dismay within my soul. It’s been some time now since my last relationship ended, and this self reflection period has caused my thoughts to get quite creative.
I suppose the issue is my thoughts always were creative, and I am now only coming to terms with the fact that my hunches were likely right. To be honest, I don’t know if they even were hunches. I think that they were realities that I refused to accept.
I have always been the type of person who didn’t believe in true love, so to speak. However, the way in which my relationship ended and the details and realizations of that past relationship have possibly changed my mind. Maybe I do believe in true love. Perhaps I even desire it and always have.
I’m not positive what I believe or what I want or even need. I just know what love does not and shouldn’t feel like. It shouldn’t feel like a convenience, or that it’s a task or a job. It isn’t just about how one fits into another’s life. It isn’t a reward.
It should be much more than that. It’s about mental and physical attraction, total acceptance, intimacy. To me love should be about fluidity, not stability. However, that’s the nature of love itself. For some people, maybe love really is simply being comfortable and being safe. I just happen to believe there is more depth to love than that.
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